So, I Like Clay Aiken. Stop Calling Me Names, Dammit.
None of those statements are true about me, but lately I've been getting slammed with them all the time. I'm black, so already I'm automatically assumed to be loud, less intelligent, successful because of Affirmative Action...the list is endless. All this stuff in the tabloids about Clay Aiken has created a whole new list of nasty things to say about me. Instead of just the race card, suddenly, every negative card in the deck is being flung at my head. Isn't being part of one disenfranchised minority enough? Give me a break!
I'm a devout Christian. It doesn't automatically mean I'm homophobic and it doesn't mean that my church rejects homosexuals. "Well, you're different, because MOST Christians hate gays", you cry! Bullshit. I think most Christians are confused by the issue and try to ignore it if they can. Unfortunately, if we want to talk about it with you we get slammed and called names. The fact that Clay employs people in his entourage without regard to their orientation makes him a refreshingly progressive Christian in my book. In yours it makes him a fag. And you have the nerve to call me homophobic.
But it doesn't end there. It gets worse. Nastier than being homophobic...scarier than being crazy...if I'm a Clay Aiken fan then I must be.....OLD! Even worse, an old female. Horrors! That automatically means my taste is laughable. My opinion? Meaningless. My money? Worthless. My brains? Addled. My concerns? Unimportant. I have no business thinking a younger guy is hot. How ridiculous! And besides, some think he's gay. Therefore that automatically means I must completely lose interest. If I don't I'm some stupid silly old freak.
If I actually was old I'd be pissed.
I (and about a million other Clay fans) will be old eventually, so while my ovulation is still regular and my opinion still matters, let me point out a real stupid double standard. If every old guy in America heard that Pamela Anderson had hooked up with Britney Spears, that would be the hottest thing ever! Who would care if they're gay? Older Women are only allowed to be interested in geezers like Sean Connery. If they admire anyone younger, they're stupid, crazy biddies only fit to be laughed at and scorned.
You know what? Screw you! I refuse to allow your attempts to marginalize me affect what I do. I'm sexy, old enough to do whatever I want, got my own house, my own car, my own income, and my own credit cards. Whoever sponsors the next Clay Aiken tour - no matter what your selling - I'll have a dozen, please. Especially if you advertise on radio stations that play Clay. Loyalty will be richly rewarded.
As for Clay himself? Well, who cares, really. He says he's straight so he's straight. That's a no brain-er. I don't question anybody else on the planet so I'm not likely to start now. And what if he did come out? I'd still be listening to his CD's while I drive to church on Sunday. If I want to throw in a momentary fantasy about Mrs Robinsoning the guy on the way, why on earth would it possibly matter to you?
Go get a life, will you? Leave me out of it and let me have my fun.